

It weaves plots, stories and basic human madness into a tapestry that even Mr George R.R. CK 2 manages something quite special, in that it plays like one big, brutal game of The Sims. The first Crusader Kings game passed me by without me even noticing, and let’s face it – most of these historically accurate games are boring as hell. Now, before you start snorting tea all over your keyboard, I do have an excuse – aside from a few games of Europa Universalis in the past, I have never played a strategy game quite like this. Eventually surrendering, I was then henceforth banned from making any monarch-income-boosting laws ever again. Thanks to the fact that I was the King of Scotland, and I didn’t have much experience with combat yet, I received a severe kicking. Then, as anyone with half an orange between their ears could have predicted, the few dukes that vehemently opposed my decision banded together and attempted to rip my head off. With a bit of cuddling, a few winks and a streak of shame a mile wide, I managed to gain my tax increase. Yes, you have to actually ASK your sub-ordinates if it’s okay to ASK for more taxes. I learned this the hard way early on as I attempted to increase my gold income a tad by introducing a slightly higher tax… and to do that, I had to persuade my subjects to bequeath me with a little bit more power.

A brutal feudal-mentality surrounds you, and even your own vassals will take no funny business. Treating CK 2 as a standard grand-strategy game is akin to sticking your head in a badger and yelling “LIGHT ITS TAIL!”. Six months in, my bloody brother has already tried to bump me off and my kids absolutely hate me. Crusader Kings 2 has pretty much dissuaded me of any notion that I could be a clever, witty, urbane monarch – with the intellectual prowess to not only secure my country, but to fend off any number of attempts to usurp and destroy my mighty lineage. Not that I can think of any off-hand, as I think I may be remembered as one of them.
